Junk Mail Revisited

Dear Friends

Are you feeling neglected?  Feeling unimportant?  Feeling blue?

Then just go away for three months, come back, and open your mail. This is what I found, and boy, am I feeling good!

+Several offers to buy my house “as is” for cash! One included an actual picture of my house from “a public online website”. Thank you Cassie and Robin and ………

+An “expert” will be in my neighborhood on October 18th, and is willing to talk to me about how to get out of my timeshare contract! (I don't want to, actually).

+An appeal to renew a membership included a real nickel! Should I feel guilty about keeping it, even if I don’t renew?

+Another appeal to re-instate a lapsed membership said they would send me an insulated trunk organizer free, for just $12!!! Sounds like a priest I knew who used to give free spiritual advice for a dollar. What should I do?

+Several people invited me to a “complimentary dining event” at fancy local restaurants which included, to quote one invitation, “an educational discussion.”

+Several notices were “time sensitive”. One said “please open immediately”.  Another said “Limited Time Offer. Act Now”. The problem is that these arrived several weeks ago. At least I was warned.

+One piece of mail did not make me feel good. It made me feel guilty. It was about a contest I hadn’t even entered, but I might be receiving the “winning number” in two days! Indeed, another large brown envelope from the same address said “WARNING, claim your number or it will be forfeited.” But that’s not all. The scolding continued “John, our records show that you have IGNORED PRIOR NOTICES and are at risk of not responding. Please understand that you cannot win unless you act immediately.”

I’m sorry. I was out of town. I understand.

Except for this last example, I must question the term “junk mail”?  How about “feel good mail”. I never knew so many people liked me! I mean, a perfect stranger sent me a nickel! Others wanted to buy my house, as is, for cash!

What’s that? Oh, the mail truck just pulled up. Time to end this blog and go get the mail. I hope I’m not too late.

John

P.S One last example for those who want extra credit for reading this blog to the end. I received a nice card which said “Thinking of You”. I opened it up and two VIP tickets fell out ($149 value each) for an “Exclusive Live Free Dinner Event”. The message was “Do you suffer from the 7 most common nephropathy symptoms?”  This free gourmet dinner is exclusively for me if I have numbness, sharp electric pain, cramping, burning pain, aching, prickling/tingling feeling, difficulty sleeping. And here is the clincher: “Seating is limited”. If I am experiencing these symptoms, do I want to attend anything where seating is limited?